Jets 2011 Road Trip Tips

Now that the Jets season has concluded, lets look ahead to their road games next year, from a traveling fan's perspective. Oh crap, it's not a lot of places you want to go as an opposing fan.


Denver

A historic football town with the best stadium food I've ever encountered. Unfortunately we were just there LAST YEAR. If you missed it, I recommend going, if you're a travel crazed Jets fan like myself who already went, just pout.

Denver Travel Tip: There's legal weed there.




Denver Travel Tip: The roasted pork nachos at the game are worth the price of admission alone.




Denver Travel Tip: Go to "Elways" in the 4 seasons downtown the morning of the game for Bloody Marys. It's not a bad walk from there to the stadium.

Baltimore and Washington

Neither city is known as "gentle", "safe" or "non-murderous". I don't really have much to say on these.

Oakland



Widely viewed as the most hostile opposing stadium for fans to travel to (though I believe San Diego is the worst). It's also one of the crappier stadiums in the league, it's a baseball stadium that the baseball team moved out of. It's kinda like when a hermit crab finds something humorously misfitting to use as a shell.

Oakland Travel Tip: The epicenter of the Oakland insanity is the "Black Hole" which extends from section 100-110 and features the most fearsome, armor wearing, blood thirstest Raiders fans. If you're smart like me, get a ticket in section 201-210, row 1, and enjoy the safari.


(a photo i took of "the black hole" from section 207, row 1)


Oakland Travel Tip: .......

Oakland Survival tip: if you are confronted by Raiders fans, yell "hey is that a chargers fan?!" and point behind them and then run like hell as they are distracted.

Philadelphia

The east coast's answer to Oakland. Seeing Mike Vick play in person is barely not worth being stomped on by the fake Ronnie from Jersey shore in a parking lot in South Philly.

Philadelphia Travel Tip: Pat's King of Steaks is open 24 hrs.

Philadelphia Survival Tip: Think out your escape route. The stadium is in a mega parking lot with 2 other stadiums and most people come by public transportation (meaning they can be even drunker when they leave) so that means a lot of walking, which is bad. I suggest an alternate form of exit, such as a hot air balloon or inventing teleportation. Or just don't go.


(the aforementioned eagles parking lot)

Philadelphia Survival Tip: Bring a sign with you that says "Hey, we hate the Giants too", it could get a mild guffaw out of your prospective assaulter.

Philadelphia Survival Tip: Duck!

Pyongyang

Just kidding.

London?

Two teams are playing in London next year, we just don't know which yet. They way the league treated the Jets this year (Hard Knocks, 1 sunday night football and 3 monday nights), I would be surprised if the Jets aren't seeing the other Big Ben on the road next year.

Location, location, location.

Don't cheap out on your seats, $50 could be the difference between getting on tv and getting a punch to the back of the head by a plumber. Location applies to where the actual stadium is located. The further a stadium is from the city center, the higher the odds you could get beat up at an away game. Tink about it mon, you're further from civilization, there's miles and miles of parking lot that will be a lot like the gauntlet from "American Gladiators" to get through if your team wins. Detroit is a perfect example, terrible rep as a city, the visiting team almost always wins but fans aren't really harassed because you walk right out the door to a bustling downtown.

See what cheap seats get you in San Diego.

The police are not your friends

On the road, cops will almost always succumb to the angry mobs of home fans. In their mind the best way to keep their lives easy is to assume the opposing fan is the problem and remove them for the good of all parties involved. Check out these assholes in San Diego , or these jerks in Indy .

Follow these tips and you should have a fun, delicious and tazer-free road trip this coming fall. This article is dedicated to the Packers fans that had their noses sliced in Chicago this past sunday.

indignity of the week

By now we've all seen the Mark Sanchez booger video. Last night was probably the final game of Mark Brunell's NFL long and successful NFL career. He was drafted way back in 1993, a time when middle eastern wars were brief and cell phones were bigger than nate newton. Brunell went to the pro bowl 3 times, lead the Jaguars to 2 AFC title games and even won a Super Bowl ring as a Saint last year.




















Somewhere along the way, he must have made some horrific financial decisions because he filed for bankruptcy last summer, citing assets of $5.5 million and debts of over $25 million. Brunell has likely cashed his final NFL check and as he was on the way out the door to financial uncertainty, a 24 year old, rich quarterback wiped a booger on his and it became an internet sensation.















(the warning signs were there)









I hope that this sad but necessary video can promote awareness for Mark Brunell and other athletes dealing with "Eddy Curry Syndrome". Eddy Curry Syndrome is where a professional athlete who is still under contract and being paid (or in Eddy's case, overpaid) yet is flat broke and the remainder of their contract is already financially spoken for. It's similar to AIDS in the sense that the mainstream is slow to identify it as the threat that it is, possibly because of its association with minorities and and people from poor upbringings. I'm sure most people thought Brunell would probably retire, have a car dealership and run for political office as a republican or dixiecrat, not be comically broke like Antoine Walker or Allen Iverson.


(1 in 4 middle aged white guys is at risk for Eddy Curry Syndrome)










NFL players spent a month out of the season looking ridiculous wearing pink to raise breast cancer awareness, a disease that can only affect 1 of their own (Bengals lineman Andre Smith). Why not have the players wear green for a month, to remind them to save their money, so they don't have their replacement wipe a booger on them in front of millions as they walk the green mile towards financial apocalypse.






(Andre Smith, the lone NFL player at risk for breast cancer)

Oldie But Goodie: Like, Um Edition

I know this is a couple of weeks old, but it is too good not to watch at least once a week.




Bonus:

The techno remix

Self Unaware Asshole of the Fortnight

In our second edition of the SUA (Self Unaware Asshole), we have our 1st return customer.

Jamarcus Russell:



"JaMarcus Russell says he has no idea why he was benched in Week 10.
"I really can't explain it," he said. "I really don't know what to say about it, but that was (coach Tom Cable's) decision, and just move on." Russell completed 9-of-24 passes for 67 yards (2.8 YPA) before being yanked."

JaMarcus Russell has played so poorly this year that he's actually setting back black quarterbacks as a whole, he's like the Anti Jackie Robinson if you will. Right now there is a college head coach calling his freshman black qb in and saying "i love your footwork, how do you feel about playing free safety?". In the back of his mind he's thinking about what he's seen Russell do over the season. At least Russell has been benched by (alleged) domestic abuser and head coach Tom Cable. I'm sure he has no idea why either.



Larry Johnson:




“Hopefully, maybe someday, when I’m 33, 34, and I’ve still got a little bit of burn left, they’ll let me come back and get those yards.”

The yards LJ's alluding to are the 74 yards he's shy of Kansas City Chiefs career rushing record that is currently held by one of the all time good guys, Priest Holmes. Considering he was just expunged from the team, and fans felt strongly enough to put thousands of signatures on a petition for the team to deny Larry the shot at the record, you have to wonder what planet LJ is on.

“One little thing I say, and it’s going to be blown up to you guys and the perception of me grows as far as I’m the worst person who’s ever put on cleats.”

Hmm, only one little thing? Lets consult Wikipedia to see if LJ has a track record of trouble;

Legal Troubles

Johnson has been arrested four times since 2003 on various assault charges against women. In 2003, he was arrested for felony aggravated assault and misdemeanor domestic battery for waving a gun at his then-girlfriend, during an argument at his home. The charges were dropped when Johnson agreed to participate in a domestic violence diversion program. In 2005, he was again arrested for assault when a woman accused Johnson of pushing her to the ground, but the case was dropped after the alleged victim failed to appear in court for three different hearings.





His third arrest for assault came on February 24, 2008, after allegedly pushing a woman's head at a nightclub that night.[23] On October 10, 2008, Johnson was arrested for the fourth time and charged with one count of non-aggravated assault for allegedly spitting a drink in a woman's face at a Kansas City nightclub on October 11.[24] The woman involved, Ashley Stewart, has since filed a civil suit against Johnson, accusing him of negligence, assault and battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligent infliction of emotional distress.[25]


“It’s not anger issues. I think I have competitive issues,” he said. “Sometimes that gets the best of me, and I become overly competitive. Sometimes I lose myself in that and understanding that I don’t have to try to win every battle.

Are these battles hes talking about with women?

Since LJ made those statements he has changed teams and is now a member of the Cincinnati Bengals. If you remember the reason why LJ was finally booted from KC was that he went on some twitter tirades, including:

"He then uttered this under his breath, according to radio station KCSP and Kent Babb of the Kansas City Star: 'Get your faggot asses out of here.' [Sunday] Johnson got into a Twitter spat with a fan, he called the fan a 'fag,' according to Yahoo Sports, which monitored the exchange: think bout a clever diss then that wit ur fag pic. Christopher street boy. Is what us east coast cats call u.'"

well, "TMZ spoke with Lesley Jones, executive director of Equality Cincinnati, who tells us "We do not think that would be a favorable decision on the part of the Bengals.

We would see this as a slap in the face to all the work
we've done for equality and LBGT (lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgender) rights in Cincinnati."

[The Bengals] must take action to prove that they support equality and LBGT rights in the city."


This fortnight's most self unaware asshole:

Larry Johnson, the worst person to ever put on cleats

Updates from Las Week

Last week we ran a bunch of stories here on Lola Sports Talk, most were mean spirited or dealing with only the bad in sports. We figured we would fill you in as these stories........devolved.

Update No. 1: Bud Adams


(Titans owner Bud Adams, photographed with the Titans mascot, "T-Rac" that is apparently (and inexplicably) a raccoon. Jar Jar Binks, you are officially off the hook)

Disciplinarian NFL Commissioner Roger Gooddell lived up to his rep, and then some, by fining bird flipping Titans owner, Bud Adams, $250,000. The Commish showed he is fair with his strict fines, and isn't going to coddle owners while coming down heavy handed on players (see: Ochocinco $20,000 fine for fake bribery last week). The ironic part is that (as stated in the previous Adams post) Bud bought the team in 1960, and I don't know if it cost him $250,000 in total when he bought it.

Update No. 2: Allen Iverson



After a 3 game stint and a made up "personal mattter", the Iverson/Grizzlies marriage has been annulled.

"Because of personal matters that forced him to leave the team on November 7, Allen will step away from the game at this time, allowing him to focus on those matters," general manager Chris Wallace said in a statement. "As a result, we will be ending our contractual agreement with Allen, which will allow both parties to move forward. We wish Allen the best."

This actually ties in to update 3....

Update No. 3: The Knicks

Are the Knicks going to sign Iverson?

"We'll look into it," (Knicks GM Donnie) Walsh told the Daily News. "Right now, I'd say probably not but we'll see."

Sorry to bombard you with quotes from bad GMs (Ok, horrific GM's in Chris Wallace's case), but this move neeeeeeeeeds to happen to restore some luster to these once proud entities. Knicks Coach Mike D'Antoni is a proven coach with a track record of fan friendly, high scoring brand of basketball. Unfortunately for him and anyone who cares about basketball, he is saddled with a point guard shooting 22% on the season and a cadre of undersized, selfish shooting guards masquerading as point guards. Ok, well Iverson is an undersized, selfish shooting guard masquerading as a point guard, but hes the best to ever play that role. He's a truly talented player we all love and if there's any coach that can harness his unique skill set right now its D'Antoni.

Oh yea and also the Knicks desperately need something to excite their fan base as their record sits at 1-9 and Knicks fan indifference is at an all time high. Anger is an emotion, so during the Isiah era people still thought and talked about the Knicks, even if it was bad. These days, with a media savvy GM who can sweep his numerous mistakes under the rug and a nice guy coach, its like the Knicks don't exist.





Iverson needs this too, if he retires now, the countdown begins on him being broke and all of us feeling bad. No one wants him to end up Latrell Sprewell, a player everyone loved, the one time heart of the Knicks, who last year had his home foreclosed and his 70 ft yacht repossessed by federal marshalls and auctioned. Let's stave off this sad fate by a year or so, give Iverson the NBA's biggest stage to finish his career and give some poor Knicks fans a reason to care again.


........